My room smells like vodka and shame
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
