If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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