It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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