Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
