I faked an abortion last night.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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