Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
