when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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