She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
