I wish I could punch you in the face.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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