shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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