I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
