I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
