Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
