I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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