I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
