Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
