I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
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Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
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I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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