I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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