Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I skipped work to stalk him.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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