Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
