I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize