before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
