I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
