You're completely useless in the revolution.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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