I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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