Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
