I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
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