the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
