32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
