This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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