I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
