That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
