I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think my vagina is haunted
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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