my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
