I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Vodka?
Forever.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
