You just made me feel so damn special
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
