Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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