I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
