My room smells like vodka and shame
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
