giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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