My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
