Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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