I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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