hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
