He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
