Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
