He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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