Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
