I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
