i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
