I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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