It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
