You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
