summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
