Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
