i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
