Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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