I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
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I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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