How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
whose parrot is this?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
