: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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