I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
