The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
